After

Writing has always been a reflection of the soul, a resting place for the deepest musings and messiest thoughts. Maybe that’s why the pages have remained blank for so long. What kind of self-portrait would these words paint right now?

Could the blurred lines be connected to form anything resembling coherent thought? How do you paint the “in-between” state- caught in the middle of a step from who you once were to who you have yet to become. You keep waiting for a sense of clarity, a sense of confidence, a spark of recognition; this is who you are -this is who you want to be.

It’s strange how your world shifts entirely when your heart breaks. No matter the source of the trauma, the beat you once danced to will never be the same. Shattering a heart, after all, can be done with the sharpest of knives or the brightest rays of the warmest sun.

The unexpected, unspoken goodbye of someone you loved, gone too soon.

The joyful cries of the babies you prayed for filling your soul, stealing your breath.

The best-intentioned, stinging words that end a relationship you thought would last forever.

Promises sealed with rings and kisses, new chapters began as two, not one.

Someone deciding a genuine apology is simply too much to ask when really, that’s all you needed to let them stay.

A heart can break in many ways; the one steadfast truth is that as it re-builds, it becomes something new, a creation of the sum of the storms it’s weathered, the love it’s held. The cracks and tears, the holes that won’t fill, and the strings that come loose, remaining forever exposed to be tugged on.

Newness, change, different seasons.

Crisp, white, blank pages.

As the reflection staring back from the mirror each day shifts, trying to remember to embrace the unforeseen remains a difficult task. To stride confidently into the blurriness without faltering is a skill few have perfected. Somewhere along the crisscrossing lines of life, forgetting that there's always a choice is, unfortunately, second nature. A chance is given each day to decide who to be to the people who surround us in this life. An opportunity to confidently trust in the plan of the God of the depths of the oceans… and the farthest of galaxies.

Heartbreak is often cast as a character of sadness in life, when in fact, its understudies are joy and change. No matter the origin story, a soul undergoing heartbreak experiences a crisis of sorts - joy is sometimes sad like that, and change is consistent like that.

Who will you be now that you physically can not be what you once were? Embrace this question like a long-lost friend and realize that grief can be felt in many shades. However, understand that these shades never lessen the purity of the other emotions coloring the canvas around them. Within that truth is your hidden key to unlocking the next chapter of you and recognizing this new version of yourself…

after heartbreak.